It was a dark night, the unseen outside occasionally visible with the blinding lightnings. It was not raining; the sky was crying, frantically searching for someone to console. The incessant downpour was so much like the condition of my mind.
I’ve known you for more than twenty-five long years. I know no matter how hard I try, I am incomplete without you—we are like spaghetti and meatballs. But you made me alone that night, as if it was a hammer without a nail.
I was half asleep. You were not at home—gone to support someone who never gave us support, gone somewhere where I was being humiliated. I thought and thought—why have you gone? It was something that you had to do. But I was alone, fearfully alone.
That night made me think. It made me understand your priorities, your feelings.
No one came to wipe my tears. Not a whisper, not a sound.
With shaky hands, I opened the drawer, a wooden box. Inside, I had my little baby, whom I brought up for a long twenty-five years. It was not you, not me—it was us.
I took it out: my diary, our letters, our love, our tears, our joys, our emotions, unspoken thoughts, unseen difficulties over twenty-five years. It contained the thoughts of a teenage girl and a boy who had so many things to say, but thought it would be better to pen it down.
Words evaporate, but alphabets don’t. But see, the world is so harsh—I lost my love, they won. I am alone without you.
I had to get rid of this. I was feeling heavy—the long chain tying me, preventing the little butterfly from flying in the garden.
The matchbox was calling me. The flickering flames were not rising high, as if they were not getting enough oxygen for combustion.
I was sitting in front of it; the flames completely left me empty, as if I was seeing my love being mutilated.
Strange enough, my eyes were not moist. I was half awake—in a dream.
From that day, I’ve been living with the fragments of the dream—the dream we saw together.
You know one thing, dear? From that day, whenever I sleep, I see a dream—a dream where a teenage boy with a cricket bat is waiting for me to hug him tight. The vow they took in the rays of the setting sun is weakened forever. Can you see? They have won.
Well, we are nowhere.
I try to gather myself, to be myself, but somehow I am lost. I am living a life without love. Can you believe it? A sudden flash—the dream is lost.
But now it’s you and me—somewhere, the us is gone.
We are together, I know—we will live together. But you left me alone forever in the journey called love.
I cannot cry, I cannot utter, I cannot tell how close the dream was to me. But now it’s gone. I am wide awake, with the morning sun bathing my eyes.
I want to sleep again, to see my dream—this time without you, this time with my love.
Allow me, dear—it will be forever sure.
Image Courtesy: https://www.pexels.com/@angelica-reyn-35454765/
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– Anindita Bhattacharya
About the Author
An engineer by profession and a storyteller at heart, she has been living away from India for the past 10 years—with her homeland etched in every corner of her heart. A passionate reader and an expressive writer, she shares her thoughts and stories across various online platforms. Above all, she proudly wears the title of a supermom to a spirited 16-year-old, finding inspiration in everyday moments and weaving them into words that resonate.
