Author : Vandana Oke
“Most people cheat because they are paying attention to what they are missing rather than what they have.”
…….. Anonymous
Extramarital Affair, a clandestine phrase, has been existent in our society since times immemorial. People have always had affairs out of marriage but their extant has been subjected to the momentous changes in the societies and eras.
So, what does an extramarital affair really mean? Well, the definition may be different in each one’s head, but largely, it means having a relationship outside of marriage. The nature of this illicit relationship differs for those who nerve up to cross the line of faith marked with the ink of marriage vows.
“We are just friends” one of the most customary quotes, may describe a simple secret liaison, but what really describes an extramarital affair is beyond “just being friends”! it is friendship with special perks. These sweet privileges may be just physical intimacy or a deep emotional bond with a person other than their legal spouse.
When I come to think, to fall out of love with your partner, and fall for someone else, may have been a little challenging in the bygone times. With no baneful web of internet, people must be falling for the ones which were in their circle of work, family or neighbourhood. But now, these covert relationships have the potential to spring up and burgeon at the click of a button.
Now reflecting on ‘why’ these forbidden relationships sprout in the first place. In olden days, it probably could be when the marital relationship fell short of the physical and emotional support that a marriage should offer. Folks would have then pursued romantic friendships or passionate attachments around them by chance and then ultimately making it their choice. But whatever the reason or era, cheating is never a chanceful mistake, it is always a choice!
Nowadays, extramarital affairs seem to have become the rage as more commoners are jumping on this bandwagon. Meeting someone secretly or having physical intimacy is definitely counted as cheating in marriage, but even casual flirting or naughty chat messages that you tend to delete so that your spouse can’t read them…. are the baby steps that may take you closer to that despised path of infidelity! For these provoking thoughts and actions, I personally feel, the prevailing OTT platforms and daily soaps are inciting all kinds of ideas, promoting these associations by making them look cool and glorifying these furtive affairs. And of course, the rest is compensated by the various social media platforms, which gives people the free will and liberty to fall prey to this uncelebrated and unjust romance.
If you ask the people involved in these affairs, they give strong personal reasons to justify their unacceptable relationships. Troubled or boring marriages, the thrill to experiment, adventure of a new experience and the curiosity to prove their desirability – could be listed as their main arguments. But are these arguments enough to validate their infidelity? Well, that should be left to their better halves to decide if they will forgive and forget and move on in their lives with or without their adulterous partner.
Now talking about the repercussions of these cheap thrills. If one thinks they are lucky enough and awfully clever to keep their secrets under the sheets forever, then I must say, they are really fooling themselves. One may be free to choose, but definitely not free from the consequences of one’s choices! An extramarital affair is totally a pleasure, physical or emotional, whereas, marriage is a life commitment with a person who is literally your other half and should be one’s prime concern. If you feel your conjugal bond is lacking or losing pleasure, its time to come out in the open, talk over it to seek all means to reach a solution to achieve marital bliss.
Don’t forget, if you are caught in this sinful web of adultery, a lot is at stake, including your filial respect and worldly honour. Secrecy is the enemy of matrimony as marriages are built on trust and honesty. Extramarital affairs are not about love, they are all about selfishness and self-interest and marriages on the other hand are all about commitments and sacrifices.
So, before you answer those flirty messages, before you advance towards those enticing advances, just think twice….a short fling, a casual one-night stand, may be the start of your descent in that deep borehole you dig yourself! Remember, putting your marriage, naive children and families in jeopardy, for damages of a lifetime, is it really worth the risk for your selfish desires and needs?
Before you indulge yourself in this sinful wine, be cautious of the hangover!