Author: Swati Mohandas
A regular morning. Chores getting done. Online schooling of my children is going on. Me planning the day’s activities or say the day’s menu.
During my child’s break time she comes to me and asks, “Mummy, what is porn?” Jolted from my thoughts I looked at her and asked my tween if what she asked is what I actually heard. She said that she heard it from her friend who also advised her to search it up on Google.
Fortunately, for me, her break time was short and she had to rush back to her laptop, which gave me enough time to brace myself from the initial shock and get ready for the impending discussion. I told her that I will discuss it with her once she gets free and specifically told her not to ask ‘Google’ till then.
Meanwhile, various thoughts crossed my mind – Why weren’t we this curious when we were kids? Or maybe we were curious but we didn’t have the means and opportunities to answer our queries. Is it because today’s generation is growing up too fast, thanks to the internet explosion or maybe we weren’t exposed to Netflix who does not censor explicit content or the blatant usage of profanity? Whatever the reason, we parents need to be prepared for ‘such’ incidents.
Well, I had to brush my knowledge for the same and here I am sharing few tips on how to handle a similar situation. If you find that your tween/teenager is watching porn, or maybe they asked you some queries about it or maybe u checked their laptop history or you just stumbled upon them while they were viewing it, first and foremost is…
- Do not overreact – if you need some time to grasp the situation just reply that you are in the middle of something and will complete it and then get back to them with the answer. Do get back, do not leave the child’s curiosity midway because if you don’t answer the child then he/she will go elsewhere to find the answers.
- Do not Shame them for Viewing porn – It can be awkward to begin the conversation with your child about watching the explicit content – both for you and for them. Your child might feel embarrassed, afraid, upset and a cooling-off period can make a big difference. Broach the topic calmly, which will help them feel more comfortable to open-up and listen to you.
- Do not ban gadgets – Our first instinct as parents would be to take away our child’s mobile/laptop if we find that they are looking at porn, but this would simply encourage them to hide things from you. They will stop sharing other difficult issues in their life.
- Set up Parental controls – on priority basis, if you haven’t done that already. You can also limit the amount of screen time which needs to be done regardless of the content viewed. If your child questions you about such limitations, then explain why you have done it. Make them feel involved.
- Talk about how porn is unrealistic – Tell your child how fun it is to watch superhero movies due to the special effects that are all made by computers, and that the people in it are just actors who are made to look like superhero with special powers. In the same way porn is unrealistic in many aspects and it can even perpetuate unhealthy ideas about relationships or body image.
It is never too late to have the ‘birds and bees’ talk with your children. If it is required do not hesitate to readdress the conversation if you already had it earlier with them. Discussions must include appropriate age and timing for intimacy, boundaries and other personal values related to sex and love.
To sum it up, my point of view is we cannot shield our children from such exposure, everything is available to them on their finger-tips. We need to keep our communication lines open for them to feel comfortable and share their thoughts with us. Let us not be ‘so busy’ and push them towards Google to answer all their queries.
Wow very useful blog.